Funny Poker Jokes

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With high tension of poker tournaments, where one should think every bet and every step ahead, and keep oneself prepared for anything, only a good joke can make you relax a little. The poker tournaments all around the world, as well as small tables in dusty basements, had seen so many legendary stories that they won’t fit even in a thick book. A list of poker jokes and humor, culled from TV shows, films, stand-up comedy and pop culture.These one-liners and humorous anecdotes look at Poker Jokes from a variety of perspectives, and try to find humor in wry observations, through irony and sarcasm, and even just by being silly. Top Ten Poker Jokes Go to Free Gifts 10) The Leprechaun A guy was playing 10-20 holdem and was stuck about 300 dollars when he looked down beside the table and saw a little green leprechaun. Hat tip to the 1000+ post BBV thread Best Poker Screen Names on the TwoPlusTwo forums for sourcing many of these - plus the regular grinders who spotted these nicks and avatars at the tables. Toilet humor, profanity, gender, race and sexuality jokes, jabs at celebrities and HUD users - no one is safe.

Welcome to the poker jokes section of PokerHarder. Here you’ll find the best and most entertaining humor and jokes on poker.

Playing poker, or poker in general, can be quite serious business every now and then. To help you relax a bit after a long stretch of playing poker, either online or in real life, we’ve created the PokerHarder poker fun section with a lot of poker humor. From the best and most epic poker videos , to the hottest poker babes, we’ve brought it all together in this poker fun section of PokerHarder.

Now what would the PokerHarder poker fun section, or any poker fun page for that matter, be without a page filled with poker jokes? That’s right, a fun section without poker jokes wouldn’t be any fun at all. Luckily our fun-editor shares this insight and has gone to great lengths to serve you a collection of the funniest poker jokes.

Our editor searched far and wide on the internet for poker jokes, went through thousands of pages of books of jokes he found up in his attic, and spent weeks tracking down high roller poker players to ask them to share their poker jokes and anecdotes, all to be able to bring you only the best and funniest poker jokes.

Take a look at our poker jokes section and you’ll be sure to have a laugh or two. Feel free to send any joke you like to your friends for their enjoyment and to share a laugh with us.

Enjoy this collection of funny poker jokes, humor and statements:

Joke #1: 5 Signs You Might Have A Poker Addiction…

  1. You can stack $10.00 worth of quarters into 8 perfect stacks of 5 quarters each in three seconds flat
  2. You yell, “Ship it!” at the ATM when you withdraw cash.
  3. You use the phrase “bad beat” when lending a sympathetic ear to a friend.
  4. Your kids are named Check and Raise
  5. You are having such a bad day at hold ’em that you decide to take a break… and play Omaha

Joke #2: You Know You’re Running Bad When…

  1. The guy next to you keeps telling you where the ATM is
  2. You order a cheese sandwich at $1.10, and by the time the waitress brings it, you can’t pay for it.
  3. When you start cussing out someone for calling your pre-flop raise with JQ (suited)
  4. The only things you say all night are ‘Nice hand’, ‘Well played’ and ‘Chips’!
  5. The nice little old lady with the big pile of (your) chips in front of her inquires if you play here often.

Joke #3: The Dead Poker Player

Six guys were playing poker when Smith loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five complete their playing time standing up.

Roberts looks around and asks, ‘Now, who is going to tell the wife?’

They draw straws. Rippington, who is always a loser, picks the short one.
They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don’t make a bad situation any worse than it is.

‘Gentlemen! Discreet? I’m the most discreet man you will ever meet. Discretion is my middle name, leave it to me.’

Rippington walks over to the Smith house, knocks on the door, the wife answers, asks what he wants.

Poker

Rippington says, ‘Your husband just lost $500 playing cards.’

She hollers, ‘TELL HIM TO DROP DEAD!’

Rippington says, ‘I’ll tell him.’

Funny poker jokes laughJokes

Joke #4: The rabbi, a minister and a priest.

A rabbi, a minister, and a priest are playing poker when the police came with his dog to raid the game. Addressing the priest, the lead officer asks: ‘Father Murphy, were you gambling?‘

Turning his eyes to heaven, the priest whispers, ‘Lord, forgive me for what I am about to do.‘ To the police officer, he then says, ‘No, officer, I was not gambling.‘

Funny Poker Jokes

The officer then asks the minister: ‘Pastor Johnson, were you gambling?’

Again, after an appeal to heaven, the minister replies, ‘No, officer, I was not gambling.”

Funny Poker Jokes

Turning to the rabbi, the officer again asks: ‘Rabbi Goldstein, were you gambling?‘

Shrugging his shoulders, the rabbi replies: ‘With whom?‘

Joke #5: Silent Tommy

Little Tommy was the quietest boy in school. He never answered any questions but his homework was always quite excellent. If any one said anything to him he would simply nod, or shake his head. The staff thought he was shy and decided to do something to give him confidence.

‘Tommy,‘ said his teacher. ‘I’ve just bet Miss Smith $5 I can get you to say three words. You can have half.‘
Tommy looked at her pityingly and said, ‘You lose.‘

Joke #6: Husband’s losing rent money
‘That bastard husband of mine wanted me to sleep with the landlord because he lost the rent money playing poker,’ the housewife told a neighbor.

‘You didn’t do it, did you?’

‘I have to admit I did — though with certain misgivings, I might add. What I haven’t done, though, is tell my husband the rent is paid up for six months!’

Joke #7: Kids Play Poker Too

The milkman walks up to number 36, and as he passes the window he looks in and sees a group of young boys drinking bourbon and playing poker for what looks like huge stakes.

Funny Poker Jokes

He rings the bell and a 6 year old boy answers with cards in his hand and a cigar in his mouth…

The milkman asks, ‘Are your parents in?‘

The boy replies, “WHAT DO YOU [email protected]%*NG THINK?”

Joke #8: Blondie Plays Poker

Did ya hear about the blonde who brought a bag of frozen?

Funny poker jokes

french fries to a poker game?

Someone told her to bring her own chips.

Joke #9: Vampires playing poker

Short Funny Poker Jokes

What do vampires play poker for?

‘High stakes‘.

The mobile poker world never seems to stand still. And we’re thankful for that because this constant movement has allowed the game to churn out some very exciting advancements. So just what exactly have these advancements brought us recently? Well, there are three great developments that mobile poker apps now feature today, which we’ll discuss more in depth below.

Funny Poker Jokes Laugh

Fast-Fold Mobile Poker

Several years ago, it didn’t seem like wireless poker would ever offer more than choppy gameplay on a single table. Then came multi-tabling, which was definitely nice for grinders who need more volume to make money. And now, we have fast-fold variants that cut out the waiting time in poker. As soon as you fold your hand, you are whisked away to another table with new cards. This means that there’s no time spent waiting on that annoying opponent who takes the whole clock to fold 2-7 under the gun.

Higher Stakes

Many of us have seen news about poker sites beta testing their mobile poker apps at $0.01/$0.02 stakes, which is unimpressive to say the least. Luckily, most poker rooms have moved far beyond the early beta-testing phase and into an era where mid-stakes play is available. The end result is that you no longer have to toil away in the micro stakes if you’re looking for a bigger challenge and more profits.

More User-friendly Software

When online poker reached its peak around 2010, many poker room lobbies were cluttered with lots of buttons, games and table-selection features. The poker industry realized how these complications were turning the average player off so they began making sites more friendly for recreational players. This process has transitioned to mobile apps, where many sites are on a mission to ensure that their lobbies and tables are user friendly. So whether you’re an experienced grinder or just somebody who occasionally likes playing poker, you can appreciate these changes.

Funny Poker Face Jokes

Like we said in the beginning, the mobile poker world doesn’t stand still. So you can expect to see even more exciting advances in the future.